Who wears a wallet chain?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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