Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
