My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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