yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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