bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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