I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
