I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize