Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
