remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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