omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
