I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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