But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
