Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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