we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
