I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
