don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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