Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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