My balls are so social today.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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