I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
