we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
