On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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