Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
