I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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