So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
