It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
