Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
