Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
