Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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