Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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