My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
