can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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