We named our party play list daddy issues
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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