I will die if light touches me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
