evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
