i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
