my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
