finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
