Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
