Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
