grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please, let me fuck your mom
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A+ Viking dick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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