So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He felt like a one man threesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize