ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
