No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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