I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
