My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
