upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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