your parents love me but you hate me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
