the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize