Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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