I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
