omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
