if i can run in heels then i can drive
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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