is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
