Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The struggles of a small town man whore
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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