Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think your dad took our porno
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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