he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
