Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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