Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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