just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
