if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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