she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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