Have you finally orgasmed yet?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
