As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
