Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Blood and glitter go together right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize