Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
