Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
