someone threw a dead crab at me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
