The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
